My brother left this world about a year and a half ago(2 years in may) and ever since, I’ve struggled to adjust to life without him. Nothing will ever be the same again and I wonder how one can “move on” after a life changing event like this. Wait, let’s get something straight here, I don’t believe one can just “move on” after losing someone so close. It’s more like a relearning how to live without them. I have my good days and bad days but my brother is never far from my thoughts and there is a hole in my heart that I’m afraid will never heal.
In The Words of Billy Bob
About a year ago, I came across the video of Billy Bob Thornton discussing the death of his brother and the grief he carries to this day. After watching, the sadness I felt was overwhelming and yet at the same time relieving. Relieved I wasn’t alone and I now had a road map of sorts for the seemingly impossible idea of living without my big brother.
“I’ve never been the same since my brother died. There is a melancholy inside me that never goes away. I’m 50 percent happy and 50 percent sad at any given moment. And the only advice I can give people for when you lose someone like that is…you won’t ever get over it. And the more you know that and embrace it, the better off you are.”
Billy Bob Thornton
Learning to live with it; embrace it?
I will never get over my brother’s death and I will carry this grief until I leave this earth. I am learning to embrace it as Billy Bob says but how? The way I see it, my grief like a piece of furniture or fixture in my house that I didn’t ask for but can’t get rid of. At first, it’s sitting in the middle of my living room constantly reminding me it’s there and it seems unbearable that it exists. I’ll arrange and rearrange, finding different places for my grief depending on the day. It might even go unnoticed for a while but I’ll always know it’s there. It’s not going anywhere and might even end up back the middle of the living room from time to time. In the end, I will never “move on” but I have realized that I need to make a pact with my grief. I’ll embrace it, as Billy Bob says, even on the days where it finds its way back to the center of the living room.