I’ve been working on a few posts for this site and I keep it a little old school and hand write my notes and rough drafts. For some reason, it is just easier to write down my ideas on paper instead of a computer. It feels more intimate and natural. Problem with writing down ones ideas on paper… it’s vulnerable to the impulses of other inhabitants in the house.
Oliver the bulldog
My lovable and impetuous bulldog found my notebook lying on the floor when I was away at work. Being bored, lonely or both he took it upon himself to peruse my notebook and ate many pages of notes and rough drafts for future posts. There isn’t a undelete or backup recovery from something like that. The ideas vanished down his throat as easily as they came to me and onto the paper.
Accept and move on
I was disappointed and to be quite frank, a bit pissed at Oliver but what’s done is done and no amount of stewing over the eaten notebook will bring the words and paragraphs back. In the end I should have put my notebook away like I usually do. This isn’t the first time that this has happened so it’s on me just as much as it’s on Oliver. In fact, his little binge eating spree reminded me that I can’t control what happens to me but I can control how I respond to it.
What occurred a few days back wasn’t a loss because I learned from it.
Early morning, I wake up and I’m just not right. Feeling a bit blue; a bit anxious. Sound familiar?
There isn’t a logical reason for me to feeling this way because the past few months have been pretty damn good for me.
So what the hell?
I honestly can’t tell you why it’s like this at times but it’s been this way as long as I could remember. When I was younger, I would usually pick a fight with someone, listen to music or just distract myself with something. Nowadays, I try to stay conscious of my actions because the fights I picked might have given me the release I needed, but they didn’t help my relationships or my self esteem. So what is a person to do?
What I have done in the past hasn’t worked so I began to make a list of what does.
- That’s what I’m doing at this moment. I will either write my thoughts down or write a short story or put out a few tweets just to express myself in some ways. I also have a thought record where I write down how I’m feeling and then challenge the thoughts because most of the time they aren’t rational and if I let myself, they will get the best of me.
- Take a Long Shower:
- When I’m feeling down, I tend to be a bit lazy and loaf around the house and I tend to feel dirty as well. Taking that shower seems like such a huge task when I feel this way so I literally force myself into the shower and get it done. It’s really about taking care of yourself and not always about hygiene. I’ve never come out of the shower feeling worse and usually feel quite better. It’s what I like to call a “quick win”
- Listen or play music:
- This one is hit or miss. Music is my life and can be the cause of my anxiety because I love to play guitar and sometimes struggle with that. But there are times when I pick it up and play and it all clicks and I’m able to get that release I need. If it’s not working, I put it down because it can contribute to the problem. Playing some good music that makes you feel good or inspires is a good way to get the ball rolling.
- Watch a funny show or video:
- As i was writing this, my fiance’ sent me a video via Facebook that made me laugh a bit. I gotta admit, it lifted my spirits quite a bit.
- This one is the hardest for me but it does work. I try to go on a daily walk either by myself or with my Fiancé’ and it helps. Getting that blood flowing and while you’re moving, you have less of a chance to let those circular thoughts take over your mind.
- Feel Gratitude:
- Take a minute to take inventory on what your grateful for. For me it’s always my family, that I’m alive, my creativity, etc.. Sometimes I just need to remind myself of the good in my life. It’s always there.
For the record, I did all of the above today. Well, except I didn’t exercise but it all did help me get out of my rut. I must realize and accept that I will have good and bad days and when I have a bad day, not to get caught up in it. But this did keep me from picking a fight so score one for my higher self. I was still salty for most of the day but was able to get through it.
What are some things you do to work out the morning blues and anxiety?
I watched the USA women’s soccer team win their 2nd World Cup; first since 1999. It was a spectacular performance by the whole team but one stood out; Carli Lloyd. She scored a hat trick in the first half and had been scoring key goals throughout the tournament. I love watching greatness and when the hard work pays off. These women made this look easy and Japan was no slouch either.
Was it easy?
There’s the illusion. We watch great athletes, artists and musicians on the TV or in person and they make it look so easy that we feel that we can do it ourselves. We might even try but get discouraged because it’s harder than it looks. Some quite and some keep trying. The reason why I started this blog was because I wanted to be like Deepak or Wayne Dyer. I have so many ideas and revelations floating around my head and I feel the desire to share it with others. Once I sit down to the computer or the paper, I write but then get stuck on something. I am amazed on how hard this is! Getting the feeling you have to translate on paper/computer screen is quite the endeavor. I write on other blogs but writing on this particular subject is new to me and I’m learning. Yes I am learning.
It is a feeling.
Judgement, high self, love, anger, are all things that we feel but can we describe them eloquently on paper, in words? I have found that trying to explain a feeling is like describing a color to the sightless. But it can be done and there are many writers who can do this at a very high level. I strive to be in that realm as well. My heart wants to write these words and now my head has to let it happen. Eventually, I hope to make it look easy too.
Another year has passed and as I write this, another birthday as well. The old cliches of a “new beginning” or “fresh start” are ringing in the air and I have to admit that I’m putting that vibe out the universe as well. I’m very cynical about new years resolutions because they never seem to stick and it’s another promise to oneself that usually becomes broken. So my new years resolution is not to look at what I want to improve in my life but to keep building off of the beautiful things that I have begun to set in motion and continue to be present in the wonderful journey. So many amazing things have happened to me last year, not because of a new year passing or a resolution but because I opened myself up and let it come to me. This post is the first of many and I hope everyone, whether one or one thousand, who reads this has an amazing year!