Is it a setback or an opportunity?

The doorbell rings and FedEx drives away.

With eager anticipation, I rip open the envelope to look over the contents.

Background:  I’m trying to refi my house so I can get my ex-wife off of the loan.  It’s been a long time since the divorce and she is still tied to the house.  In order to get this refi to happen I need to have at least 20 percent equity in the house so the loan to value is 80.   I have overpaid for years to get the balance down and I always tell my friends that if you want to really commit to someone, buy a house with them.  It’s not easy to get them off of the loan and thankfully my ex is very understanding of the predicament.  But I imagine, she would like to buy a house someday and this loan will hinder that effort.   

The last time I tried for a refi, my loan to value was still not good enough so I worked hard on paying down the balance to get me to where I needed to be.

Now to present day

I’m where I need to be financially, interest rates are going up and I felt it was time to try again.   Based on my last appraisal, I felt that I should be able to get it done.

I was wrong

The package delivered by FedEx was my appraisal and was the key to this whole thing so no pressure.   It came in even lower than the last one almost two years prior and the housing market has only gotten more hot during that time.  Needless to say, I was surprised, disappointed and just a little pissed off.   I can go into a whole op-ed piece about he merits of appraising a house using comps and such but that isn’t the point.

So what is the point?

I won’t let my happiness be dependent on the actions of others such as this appraiser and the status of the loan.   I could have made the choice of being the victim regarding this situation and let it ruin my day, my weekend, my week.   What I did do was let the anger and frustration flow and I acknowledged it and the let in flow out of me just as quickly as it flowed into me.   As Abraham says, I cleaned up my vibration.

Setback or opportunity?  Some would see this as a setback but it really is an opportunity and I’m grateful for what I have learned from it.

What have I learned?

I have learned that I can handle things not going exactly as planned and that I can move forward. (something I wasn’t good at years prior)

I learned that I could have done more to get my balance down

I know that this is the way it was supposed to happen and everything is working out for me and I will be OK no matter what.

Family and the Olympics and Grateful

I am a person who follows law of attraction and follow the teachings of Abraham Hicks.  My vibration tonight was to just enjoy the feeling of my family. Enjoy interactions during dinner and just let it happen.  When I thought we were done for the night and everyone went their separate ways to their rooms to watch Netflix or play on their iPad, I went down to our living room to do some breathing and stretching exercises and take in the opening ceremonies to the games.

My 7 yr old daughter was on the couch playing something on her Kindle and next thing you know, she sets it down and sits next to me and joins in on watching the opening ceremony.  The fireworks, dancers and music caught her attention and held on.  I cherished every minute of it and appreciate the spontaneity and the letting it happen part of it.  It felt natural, just as it should have.

I love it when the Universe helps you out in manifesting what one is wanting.  This was meant to be and as Wayne Dyer says; “There are no coincidences.”   I put out my intention and released all resistance and it all happened so easily.

Just like Abraham said it would.

Unexpected life lesson from a bulldog

About a Month ago, I shared in a post that I learned a valuable lesson of acceptance from my bulldog who decided to use my journal as a chew toy.  One thing that I didn’t mention in the post was that Oliver passed away the day before I published the post.  I had been working on it for a few days and Oliver’s death was my little tribute to him.

More lessons learned

Oliver wasn’t the smartest dog in world.  He was the type of dog that would jump in the lake without hesitation but forget he can’t swim.  He embraced every moment and had fun and was the life of the party.  Sometimes to our dismay but he was always in the moment and it was OK, even if there was a mess to pick up in the end.   And when I or my fiancé’ was down and feeling a little blue, he was the first to come over and put his paw on your lap, look at you and let you know everything is going to be ok; Oliver’s here.

English Bulldog,

RIP Oliver the bulldog

Unconditional Love

Pets are amazing because they do exemplify unconditional love perfectly.  No matter how hard we are on them or how much we might ignore then throughout the day, there are there for you ready to play or whatever.  Oliver was no exception.  He got in tUnrouble and got yelled at many times because of his impetuousness, strong will and impulse control. (all traits of an English Bulldog FYI)   He wanted to be in the middle of everything which sometimes aggravated the heck out of us but he never stopped being himself.  His own authentic self.   Isn’t that what we all want at the end of the day?  To be our own authentic self?

So thanks Oliver for being in my life and showing me how fun it can be to just be yourself.  I strive every day to be more “Oliver like.”   Well… except for the farting and the snoring.

Allow and free yourself

Dealing with…
Coping with…
Putting up with…
Bear With…

Expressions that I’ve used and I’m sure, many of you have as well.   We tend to use these words as if they are positive or that we are doing something noble by ‘dealing with’ or ‘tolerating’ the person or circumstances before us.  But that’s a lot of work and so much trouble to cope and it really doesn’t feel good in the end.  At least that has been the case for me and everyone else that I have compared notes with.  Truth is we aren’t feeling good with these words and they don’t help us grow.

A change of perspective

Instead of dealing with, let us use acceptance
Try allowing instead of enduring
And compassion instead of dealing with

All will happen as it should.   How we choose to experience it is in our hands.

The dog ate my blog post

I’ve been working on a few posts for this site and I keep it a little old school and hand write my notes and rough drafts.  For some reason, it is just easier to write down my ideas on paper instead of a computer.  It feels more intimate and natural.   Problem with writing down ones ideas on paper… it’s vulnerable to the impulses of other inhabitants in the house.


Oliver the bulldog

My lovable and impetuous bulldog found my notebook lying on the floor when I was away at work.   Being bored, lonely or both he took it upon himself to peruse my notebook and ate many pages of notes and rough drafts for future posts.   There isn’t a undelete or backup recovery from something like that.  The ideas vanished down his throat as easily as they came to me and onto the paper.

Accept and move on

I was disappointed and to be quite frank, a bit pissed at Oliver but what’s done is done and no amount of stewing over the eaten notebook will bring the words and paragraphs back.  In the end I should have put my notebook away like I usually do.  This isn’t the first time that this has happened so it’s on me just as much as it’s on Oliver.  In fact, his little binge eating spree reminded me that I can’t control what happens to me but I can control how I respond to it.   

What occurred a few days back wasn’t a loss because I learned from it.

Thanks Oliver!

How do you get through the anxiety you’re feeling

Early morning, I wake up and I’m just not right.  Feeling a bit blue; a bit anxious.   Sound familiar?

There isn’t a logical reason for me to feeling this way because the past few months have been pretty damn good for me.

So what the hell?

I honestly can’t tell you why it’s like this at times but it’s been this way as long as I could remember.   When I was younger, I would usually pick a fight with someone, listen to music or just distract myself with something.  Nowadays, I try to stay conscious of my actions because the fights I picked might have given me the release I needed, but they didn’t help my relationships or my self esteem.   So what is a person to do?

What I have done in the past hasn’t worked so I began to make a list of what does.

  1. Write:
    • That’s what I’m doing at this moment.  I will either write my thoughts down or write a short story or put out a few tweets just to express myself in some ways.  I also have a thought record where I write down how I’m feeling and then challenge the thoughts because most of the time they aren’t rational and if I let myself, they will get the best of me.
  2. Take a Long Shower:
    • When I’m feeling down, I tend to be a bit lazy and loaf around the house and I tend to feel dirty as well.   Taking that shower seems like such a huge task when I feel this way so I literally force myself into the shower and get it done.   It’s really about taking care of yourself and not always about hygiene.    I’ve never come out of the shower feeling worse and usually feel quite better.   It’s what I like to call a “quick win”
  3. Listen or play music:
    • This one is hit or miss.  Music is my life and can be the cause of my anxiety because I love to play guitar and sometimes struggle with that.  But there are times when I pick it up and play and it all clicks and I’m able to get that release I need.   If it’s not working, I put it down because it can contribute to the problem.   Playing some good music that makes you feel good or inspires is a good way to get the ball rolling.
  4. Watch a funny show or video:
    • As i was writing this, my fiance’ sent me a video via Facebook that made me laugh a bit.  I gotta admit, it lifted my spirits quite a bit.
  5. Exercise:
    • This one is the hardest for me but it does work.  I try to go on a daily walk either by myself or with my Fiancé’ and it helps.  Getting that blood flowing and while you’re moving, you have less of a chance to let those circular thoughts take over your mind.
  6. Feel Gratitude:
    • Take a minute to take inventory on what your grateful for.   For me it’s always my family, that I’m alive, my creativity, etc.. Sometimes I just need to remind myself of the good in my life.  It’s always there.

For the record, I did all of the above today.  Well, except I didn’t exercise but it all did help me get out of my rut.  I must realize and accept that I will have good and bad days and when I have a bad day, not to get caught up in it.   But this did keep me from picking a fight so score one for my higher self.  I was still salty for most of the day but was able to get through it.

What are some things you do to work out the morning blues and anxiety?