be yourself, Rant

Stream of consciousness on writing and creativity

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PIcture of a laptop keyboard with hands at the ready to write.
Photo by Kaitlyn Baker on Unsplash

There are things in my mind that must come out. I have no choice but to comply.

I find it incredibly difficult to express myself in the written word. it is not easy for me. Every word of all my posts have been a battle of flow, self consciousness and mental constipation. What I see and feel in my head are so clear but once it’s on paper or computer screen, it’s more like a Picasso painting; resembles something but can’t quite make out what it is.

So I read, revise, read again, revise again…. Slowly but surely, like a figure coming out of marble, the post will start to take shape. Might take days or even weeks but I’ll get that sucker out.

Is it supposed to be easy?

I can’t say for others if it’s easy but I’ll say that for me, it’s not. I have seen others write and they flow with relative ease and it can be intimidating to witness. Why can’t I write like that? Not only write fast but well.

I know it’s a combination of natural talent and practice. Of course lots of practice and truth be told, I don’t practice writing as much as I should. If I practiced writing like I do my guitar, I suspect I would be much better at it.

Maybe I hold myself at too high of a standard? Maybe I’m trying to torture myself a bit too much….

But hey, at least I’m doing it! I’m putting something out there which is something that I couldn’t say in the past. I used to let these ideas flounder in my head until they disappeared into the ether, only to make room for new ideas that I wouldn’t write about.

Just keeping writing

I can hear Ellen Degeneres’ voice in Finding Nemo telling me to “Just keep writing, just keep writing” and so I shall.

Good talk everyone!

energy, Health

My Essential Huberman Lab protocols

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The podcasts of Huberman Lab has been a constant listen for me over the years. I have discovered some useful information on longevity, sleep, fitness, motivation, diet, etc… The amount of information is almost too much and in some cases, one can be paralyzed with all the different recommendations from Huberman and his guests. Below are a few of the Huberman recommendations that I have found incredibly useful in my day to day life.

Yoga Nidra or Non Sleep Deep Rest (NSDR)

I have mentioned this in a post I wrote a few months back and it’s been such a great tool for me to use when I’m needing a boost in the day. taking a nap requires an investment of time I usually don’t have so this fits into my life really nicely. We would be living in such a different world if the majority of it’s citizens practiced something like this

Creatine

I know about creatine because of my weightlifting friends who has taken it but I didn’t know of the other benefits for cognition. In multiple podcasts, Andrew Huberman explains the benefits of creatine for memory, executive function, brain fog, etc.. In my experience, I have noticed an improvement in cognitive function such as less brain fog and just feeling clarity in my thoughts.

Picture of Bulk Supplements Creatine Monohydrate powder.

“Brain loves creatine as fuel” ~ Dr. Andy Galpin

L-Theanine

Nature's Trove L-theaninie 200 mg supplement packaging.

L-theanine is said to be helpful in the reduction of stress, anxiety and as a sleep aid. It’s been a part of my sleep regimen for a couple of years and have been pleased with the results so far. I find that I’m able to sleep deeper and remember my dreams more when I’m use L-theanine. I use Nature’s Trove L-Theanine from Amazon (link below) and usually use 1 to 4 capsules an hour or two before bed. I’m a pretty big guy (250lbs) which is why the bigger dose but you’ll need to decide what’s best for you.

In depth explanation of the benefits of L-theanine:

Hot Bath or Sauna for Sleep

In the ‘Sleep Toolkit’ episode, Huberman explains how our body’s core temperature begins to drop hours before we go to bed. This is essential for a good night’s sleep and we all know how important sleep is right? It doesn’t seem like a hot bath that will warm you up will aid in lowering your body temperature. Turns out a hot bath or sauna will warm you up at first but this spawns the cool down process for sleep.

I am very grateful for the Huberman Lab podcasts and the information I’ve acquired from them. Have you adopted any of the strategies that Huberman Lab has presented over the years? Please let me know in the comments. Would love to know what you are doing to thrive in this life.

acceptance, be yourself, presence

Deconstructing a Best Friend Breakup

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Image of a person in a dark tunnel looking toward the light.

Years ago, my best friend told me he was no longer enjoying my company and that he wanted some space. At first, I took this news to be a phase. We have had our ups and downs but our friendship was for over 25 years, he was like my brother. In time this would all work and I was certain that this wasn’t permanent. So I gave him space and reached out from time to time only to be ghosted without a response. Thirteen years later, he apparently still needs said space and the truth is we are no longer friends and I have to accept this.

How did this all happen?

What leads us to a place like this where we feel the need to cut someone out of their life for good? There weren’t any big blowouts or betrayals that would cause something like this. My theory is that it’s the little things that annoy us or piss us off throughout the relationship and they don’t get addressed. It keeps building up in our minds until it’s to much, we’ve had enough and rid oneself from the relationship. Maybe we just outgrew each other and he was ready to move on to a new chapter in his life. A combo of both? One can get in the weeds of speculation in trying to determine someone else’s intentions and that is a road that never pays dividends. All I can address is the facts; he no longer wanted to be friends.

Stop holding on to something that isn’t there.

If you have read past posts, you may have noticed that I have a bit of trouble letting things go. You may also have noticed that I’m being intentional in ridding myself of drama that doesn’t serve me anymore. I’ve held onto the hope of reconciliation for almost 13 years and it hasn’t served me. Only creating discord in my heart and mind that I’m too old and too tired to carry. What I thought was temporary was, in reality, permanent and I’m finally ready to close this chapter in my life. I’ll look back on our friendship with love, sadness and much gratitude for how it shaped who I am today. Today and in the future, I will focus on nourishing the relationships that I have and not wait for the ones that are no longer.